Why Weight?

So I’m overweight.  I don’t remember exactly when it happened but I’m pretty confident it was sometime around Jr. high.  I always had a remarkable metabolism and then one day it just shut off.  Someone didn’t pay the bills and the metabolism fairy packed up and left town.  I feel like I gained everything in one summer and have been this big ever since.  Of course that isn’t how it happened.  It was a slow crawl to the top.  I don’t blame my parents but they didn’t help.  We had a tradition of watching football on Sunday’s and eating pizza, it got to the point where we each picked our own pizza and ate nearly the entire thing.  My parents never said a word that I remembered.  Thinking back now this is atrocious for a teenager to do this.

So I got big.  Huge.  I think at one point I must have passed 300 lbs but I didn’t weigh myself enough during my late teens and early twenties to know for sure.  When I moved to Canada I was very large but never stepped on a scale that I remember, although I remember seeing a video of myself  with my shirt off on our honeymoon in the Dominican and being embarrassed.  That summer I got a fairly physical job (the one I currently have but with a slight twist) and ended up losing a lot of weight.  I got down to about 220 lbs but then moved to work a desk job as a relief and gained most of it back.

I fluctuated from around 250 to 280 lbs depending on what type of job I was doing at work.  The biggest that I ever remember seeing on a scale is 285 lbs, this was at the end of 2013.  I have no idea what happened but at the beginning of 2014 I had enough and decided to get serious about losing weight.  On January 4th I joined a site, my fitness pal, and started recording everything I ate as well as working out.  We were going on a trip that summer so eventually I made my goal to lose as much weight by the time we left in late July.  My first recorded weight was 275 lbs, by the time we left on our trip I had gotten down to 209 lbs.  This was the most proud I had ever been of any single accomplishment.  I did it on my own and I didn’t quit for 7 straight months.

Due to various issues I’m pretty much back where I started.  The last time I checked I was at 267 lbs and had a few “whatever” days in a row so I wouldn’t be surprised to find out I’m a few pounds over 270.  I’m disgusted that I let myself get this bad again because I remember how good I felt when I was down to nearly below 200 lbs.  I slept better.  I had more energy.  I was stronger.  I looked better and my clothes didn’t fit because they were too loose, not too tight.  I didn’t have this gigantic gut on the front of me.  Everything was better.

Then we went on our trip and I stopped caring because I wanted to have fun.  When we got back I found it hard to get the motivation back after not caring for two weeks and I gained 30 lbs.  Then in early 2015 I got sick, really sick.  I was in the hospital for over 3 months and lost weight because I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t walk.  I was down to 177 lbs and looked frail and weak.  When I finally regained my appetite and my surgeries were done and I went home I couldn’t do anything but lay on the couch.  I could barely walk and I gained it all back.  The hardest part was that I couldn’t do anything about it.  I could have just not ate so much, its not like I’m making excuses but I couldn’t do anything because I didn’t have the strength.  I still haven’t even tried to exercise because I have a little bit of fear that my body won’t be able to do it still.

This blog is going to be me getting better in all parts of my life and I’m going to write about it.  One of those parts is keeping a healthy weight.  That goes for exercise and general healthy eating.  I’ve got a long way to go but I’ve already proven that I can do it.  I think that this is going to be one of the key aspects of getting me on target to becoming a writer.  If I can lose all of this excess weight it will improve so many aspects about my life.  I’ll sleep better and I’ll have more energy and focus.  That will allow me to put more effort into my writing and really bring all of my dreams to fruition.  The biggest struggle is going to be starting.  The second biggest will be to keep it going.  I just need to remember why I’m doing this every time I want to quit and let that motivation drive me.

 

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
-Henry David Thoreau

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