It’s funny how certain words bring things up that have nothing to do with what you’re thinking about but they are so attached you can’t help associate them. For example, the word delay will forever be associated with Thomas the Tank Engine for me. When my oldest was little he enjoyed the Thomas and Friends show, books, trains and anything to do with it. One of their big sayings is “you’re causing confusion and delay” whenever one of the trains acted like a twit and caused problems. Another example, that anecdote had nothing to do with the title of this post.The title of the post has to do with me wasting time. Delaying everything and putting off what I had built up to the point one week ago. Its the reason I’ve wanted to post so much at the start because, well, I knew this would happen. It doesn’t make it better but it does allow me to reassess everything and see where I need to focus. I was just posting to post. My ideas were about a paragraph worth of information and the rest was filler. Content would be a great start to focus on. I’m also trying to pretty up the posts so they don’t look so basic.
So then…the delay. There were some ups and some downs. I pushed it to the waning minutes of Monday to get my Monday post up and then Tuesday happened. Oh god Tuesday. Awful. I had a bad day on Tuesday to say it simply. I turned in early. I just wanted it over. Day gone.
Wednesday I woke up and tried to have a better day but I was affected by the previous day. I felt I missed an entire day worth of doing…whatever I wanted. My wife was away last week and it was just me and the kids. I had the week planned out, loosely. I knew what I wanted to do but then throwing an entire 24 hours (minus sleep) out kind of threw me into a “shit I need make up for it.” The writing fell and fell and fell. It ended up being on the bottom of my need to do list.
So then the weekend comes and goes and I’m back to Monday. I’m looking up monday motivational things on twitter and I just think I have to get back at it. I had so many weak moments last week of “why bother” and it all felt so pointless. I was thinking while driving to work that nobody is perfect. Nobody is good at the start of something. Its like training and practicing. You have to keep doing it to get good. So here I am, I might just be writing aimlessly to get this post off before we head to a movie tonight but I’m here doing it. I’m writing. I’m improving my posts and making them look better. I’m trying. I just need to keep it up.