Quotes of love, loss & pain

I don’t do a lot of linear writing.  I do a lot of jumping and “flittering” as a friend once put it.  Or maybe it was flitting?  Either way, its pieces and jumps and scattered thoughts.  I wanted to put a few of them down to make myself feel better and think to myself that I can write.  All I have to do is put the puzzle pieces together.

Some of these pieces I wrote before and saved them because I liked them.  Some of them I just wrote on the spot.

• I loved you. I loved you with everything that was in me. You made me the happiest I had ever been. No summer or Christmas break, no vacation or birthday could ever compare to the joy I felt when we were together. Thats why it hurt so much when you left me. Thats why I went into such despair and turned to sex for comfort. I slept with anyone who was willing. I would have slept with anyone who asked. I loved you so deeply that I needed a marathon of them to make me forget about a single you.

• I want that feeling of reaching out to you with my heart beating in my hand.  Every beat is meant for you and in sync with the way you blink your eyes and each breath you take.  I want to feel what its like to hold it out to you and watch you take it, then to have you rip it in half right in front of me.  To stand there, bewildered, as you throw it to the ground and furiously smash whats left of it with your fists.  I want to feel what its like to hear you tell me that you don’t love me anymore.  I don’t want to ever leave myself that open again.
• Because of you I can feel pain again.  I remember what its like to hurt.  I can feel again and that feeling makes me physically ill.  I can cry.  I can weep.  I can feel loss and destruction of everything I knew that was safe.  I can be afraid.  You’ve destroyed me in every corner of my existence.  Nothing I have left is sacred
• When I’m with you I feel like the entire world is wrong and we are the only two people in the world that realize it.
• When I’m with you I feel like my weird is amplified by your strange.  Its as if the entire world is normal except the two of us.
• When we’re together nothing else matters as much as my need to make you smile.  If I can do that once a day my life will have meant something.