My wife set me up on a date with her best friend. Yeah, I know. We’re milking it for all its awkwardness.
I had a casual interest in seeing the movie A Quiet Place when I first heard about it. The more I read about it the more I thought I’d like to see it, even if I don’t really like scary-esque movies. But really who doesn’t want to be made to jump out of their seat and scream like a girl? The problem was that my wife didn’t want to see it, at all. She doesn’t like scary movies and she doesn’t like movies with creatures in them so that was a double no. I figured it would just be another movie that I’d wait to see on Netflix.
That was until I saw John Krasinski on an interview promoting it. He was talking with Seth Meyers about the reactions people are posting in regards to it and their favorite one so far was from Chris Pratt. After watching that I said to my wife, “oh my god I have to go see this movie!” (Yes, the exclamation was important because I’m very easily excitable.) However that only brings us back to the original problem; my wife doesn’t like these movies and isn’t going to go see it. The secondary problem; going to the movies along is lame.
My wife’s solution, “why don’t you go with Emma?” Emma is her best friend. I was non-committal towards the idea as, to me, it sounded like a trap. Kind of like the times when your wife asks you if you think any of her friends are pretty. Unless the answer is some variation of, “not as pretty as you,” then you’re doing it wrong but you’d already know that. My wife texted Emma and I think Emma had the same idea; trap. Her response was, “isn’t that a little weird?”
So we’re starting off on a good note, both of us think we’re being set up and 2003 Ashton Kutcher is going to come out from behind the movie theater screen and tell us we’re being punk’d. Emma is a busy woman with little time for anything other than the love of her life, a new puppy she was gifted by her dad and sister, so she said she would get back to us. (Disclaimer: Emma is not in love with the puppy. Do not buy puppies as a gift for anyone ever unless you hate them.)
The next day at a nearly two week late birthday party (stomach induced writhing in the bed of the guest of honor prevented a week of birthday party), and without a confirmed date we announced our intentions to friends and family.
“Emma and I are going on our first date,” we told anyone who would listen whether they asked or not. We had follow ups under the same circumstances. This is how we got the ball rolling of making this a very awkward and epic first date.
I said, “I’m going to make sure we post duck-face selfies on instagram and facebook announcing #firstdate to make sure everyone knows. Oh, you know what? We’ll make it dinner and a movie and get burgers at McDonald’s to go classy.”
Emma asked, “yeah okay, but whose paying?”
“We’re modernized, we’ll go dutch.”
At this point I can see on my wife’s face she might be regretting her suggestion. What went from, as I suspect, an idea to get me to shut up about the movie has turned into me taking a joke way too far as I often do.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got eyes everywhere,” she slipped in as a warning. I’m not entirely sure she wouldn’t have a few people drive by and keep her updated on the goings-on of Emma and my date.
“You’re going to have me home by midnight, right?” I asked Emma, taking the joke much further than needed.
“Or no, I’ll make sure to walk you to your door to make sure you get home safe.”
I stopped short of mentioning anything close to a goodnight embrace as I think that would have the light and borderline funny scenario into glares and voodoo doll territory.
The date is tentatively planned for April 24th, the early evening show as Emma can’t stand to be away from her puppy all night. (Translation: the puppy will urinate and defecate everywhere.) I really do want to see this movie, the joke is just the icing on the cake. I think I’ll end up taking more pictures then on my wife and I’s wedding day. This entire plan really can’t go wrong.
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