A lesson in weird

“What about…calendar girls score?”

I shook my head, “No that’s too bizarre.  And it doesn’t even mean anything.”

“Oh and yogurt butterfly is profound brilliance with such depth,” she replied with her hands on her hips.


“Yeah but…it has something.  It’s a butterfly and its made out of yogurt and you don’t see that every day.  Or even you can think about it like you dipped a butterfly in yogurt like a pretzel and you’re snacking on it later.”

“Ew.  Just…ew.  Fine.  Something that makes complete sense but also makes absolutely no sense.  This should be easy.”

“Right?  I don’t know why it’s taking us this long.”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head dismissively.  I’m trying my best not to break into a smile.  These off the wall conversations are always the best when they go one of two ways; I don’t laugh and treat them absolutely serious or we are both busting up laughing and can barely breathe between words.

“Alright,” she continues, “Cream Grated Sentinel.   That’s stupid and makes no sense, you’ll probably love it.”

“Actually,” I tried to stifle a laugh but a smile broke through, “it’s definitely a point in the right direction.  Keep that line of thinking.”

She shook her head again and sighed as if to wonder what the hell she was even doing talking to me.

“Alright now, let’s keep on that.  It was a good one but was missing something.  Something real.  Something where we can bring it into our world and make it like it exists but to the point of having it cause that expression on your face right now.”

She was staring at me with her forehead wrinkled and her head tilted slightly as if I were a book written in a language she’d never seen before.

“Okay…,” was all that she could say.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.  At first I was looking at her and watching her expression.  Part of the fun of this was watching her bewilderment manifest itself into physical form.  Sometimes her mouth would drop open slightly as if she was amazed at how fucking weird I was being.  Other times she would shake her head and get up to leave.  This time she kept her head down with her hands over her face.

Staring at her wasn’t giving me any satisfaction so I started looking around.  It wasn’t for any kind of idea because I always felt that was kind of cheap.  I didn’t want to be staring at a stapler and think, “colored green stapler.”  That was lazy.  I wanted inspiration but to find something and jump off of it into something more whimsical.

I continued to stare at the monogrammed letters.  They were C, G and S.  We had no idea what they stood for but that didn’t stop us from guessing.  It was a fun exercise in being weird.  I always tried to exercise her weird muscle because she was a little too straight laced and I wanted someone to join in with me.

I muttered to myself quietly, “C, G, S.”  I thought of the other guessing game that had started this one.  Yogurt butterfly.  It was perfect.  While looking over a list of names I came across a name that was simply two letters, Y and B.  I thought they were a strange couple of letters to be paired, with an even stranger similarity.  Not only were they at opposite ends of the alphabet but they were both the second letters you’d hit if you started at their prospective ends.

Y and B, then it hit me.  Yogurt Butterfly!  I don’t know why but it was perfect.  I couldn’t improve upon it if I tried and now I wanted to bring her into my stupid, pointless and idiotic game with C, G and S.

“Current Ground Squirrel?”

The words barely left my lips before my eyes lit up.  I thought I had it.

I repeated it with more vigor, “Current ground squirrel!”

She looked over at me, “what?  What even is that?”

“That’s it!  I have it!  Current ground squirrel!”  I was practically pumping my fists in the air chanting Rudy.

“I mean I guess its not bad,” was her lackluster reply.

I sat back a little and pursed my lips and stuck them out thinking a little harder about what made yogurt butterfly so great.  Then my eyes shot open wide and I practically yelled at her, catching her off guard and startling her so she jumped back in her chair.

“Caramel Ground Squirrel!!!”

She took a moment to catch herself and why I was yelling at her when I finally saw a smirk break out across her face.

“Caramel ground squirrel…there you go,” she smiled wider but tried to keep it subdued.  I nailed it.


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