I know I shouldn’t be mad and I don’t really have a right to. But I can’t help but continue to have this feeling of anger towards the situation. Its not you though. I don’t know if I could ever be mad at you. Of course I could be mad at you but the thought of it seems so foreign that it would have to be an alternate reality.
It’s stupid to be mad. Why do I have the right to be mad? But it’s there. You can’t help how you feel but you can try and reason it. I understand it and I understand why its dumb but it won’t go away. I don’t know if that’s because I don’t want to feel so guilty or I just want to be the victim. I’m still sorry, and I hate it but I’m still mad.
I want to stop being mad. I don’t even want to think about it anymore. I can’t say I don’t want to think about you anymore though. I even saw you today, as weird as that is. It doesn’t happen much lately. But seeing you has the same locked gaze affect it always did, only now I try not to be seen. I think I’m just mad that it happened, and possibly that I don’t think I’ll ever be forgiven.