Way Back #2

This…this I don’t know what this is.  I was a terrible writer then.  I’m not even going to debase myself and say I’m not way better now.  This was just off the wall, bizarre nonsense that would come jumping out of my head at random.  So enjoy!

February 3rd 2006

Okay the other day on the way to work I was sitting at a stoplight and I looked out the window and saw a seagull attacking a school bus.  It was the strangest thing I have seen in my entire life, that is until the windows opened up on the school bus and the kids inside starting throwing batteries at the bird.  You would think this would be enough for the bird to split but it didn’t, it actually grabbed a few batteries out of the air and chucked them back at the kids.

A few kids got hit in the head and fell back into the bus, they popped back up though.  I was wondering where they got all the batteries but the light turned green and some guy in a Pepsi truck was honking at me, so I never got to find out.

While driving I noticed out of the corner of my eye somebody running around like a crazy person. I decided to pull over to find out what was going on. I parked and got out of my car and I saw that he was being attacked by three squirrels.

He kept screaming, “I didn’t take it!”

I couldn’t quite tell but I swear I heard the rodents say, in a high pitched voice, “gimme the damn nuts, asshole!”

I got back in my car and drove away. Poor guy.

When I got to work I started down the long walkway to the trailers and on the way I stopped.  I saw that one of the forklifts had driven through the steel graters, into and through the wall.  Nobody was around so I went to check it out.

On the outside of the building, which was around back of the plant, there were hundreds of frogs chewing on the frame of the forklift.

One of the frogs looked at me and said, “what the fuck are you lookin at?”

I apologized and walked away and said to myself, “wow that was weird.”

The rest of the night went along pretty smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary until I was leaving.  The frogs had eaten almost the entire forklift but they didn’t come inside of the building.  It must’ve been the smell.  They left the battery though with a note on it.

It read “get us another lift, no battery this time, it gives us indigestion.”

So I went to my car when everyone was leaving and the guy walking next to me all of a sudden was picked up into the air and carried off.  I ducked quickly.  I saw another person a few yards ahead get carried away too.  Gigantic birds were picking people off like they were rodents.  I ran to my car and got in.  Whew!  That would’ve sucked to get caught.

I drove home.  On the way home I was stopped at a police road block.  The police asked me if I had seen anything strange tonight.  I was about to tell him about the giant birds when I noticed that he was actually a living marker, an orange one.  I shook my head no and drove off.  I can’t believe they are letting markers, especially orange ones, become police now.

As I was driving by the local businesses I noticed they were all being robbed.  Only it wasn’t the usual looting, they were being robbed by small animals.  Squirrels, mice, gophers, rabbits.  I even saw a cat coming out of sears on a ride on lawnmower.  Weird stuff.  I couldn’t wait until I got home that night.  I went straight to bed and hoped the next day wasn’t so out of the ordinary.

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