Review: I love Paul Rudd

Review time!  I know, your FAVORITE!

Okay like so my tl;dnr version:

Ant Man is awesome.  Paul Rudd is hilarious.  Michael Pena is hilarious.  Evangeline Lilly is a goddess.  The evil lady girl stuck in buffering land was weirdly erotic with her sexy British accent thing (looks up to see where she’s from) Woo hoo!  She’s British!  And I love Randall Park as the goofy dorky guy he plays in most things.  He’s perfect.  Ant Man go big.  Ant Man gets small.  Wasp kicks everyones butt.  Creepy weirdo sexy lady fades in and out.  Old man scowls.  Other old man scowls.  Why is Morpheus in this?  DAMN YOU THANOS!

But I mean really…what kind of review would that be?  I guess…pretty much a tl;dnr version of my longer reviews huh?

So blah blah blah, Ant-Man wasn’t in the war of bedazzled hand bracelets: The Movie because he got like picked up by the fuzz and had his own stuff going on.  Gordon Gekko (stupid name) needed to save the real Catwoman from a wet dream contest between Pablo Picasso and Jackson Pollock.  But they needed Paul Rudd.  So they went and got him and used mirco machines technology to zip and zwoop their way around San Francisco.

Side note:  I appreciated that there were no points in this movie where I looked at where they were in San Francisco and where they ended up shortly after a chase scene and yelled angrily at the screen “YOU CAN’T GET THERE LIKE THAT!  THEY ARE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE CITY GOD DAMNIT!”

Also bonus points for the gratuitous Muir Woods name drop.

Marvel could make a lot of money by doing little side gigs from their movies such as the “What was Thor doing during Civil War?” thing on youtube.  I think they could also have a similar thing where Michael Pena fast explains things in the Marvel Universe that casual movie-goers won’t get.  I want profits though.  Like…$0.05 for every view or else I’ll cry.

So okay there is this like…weird lady.  You know when you were little and you tried to hook up the back of your cable box to get free HBO and you could hear it but the screen was messed up and all like zig-zaggy?  Yeah so they used that 90s technology on her and she wasn’t quite zig-zaggy but it gets the point across.  It gave me a headache.  But her voice was hauntingly sweet and devilishly scary at any given moment.  I liked her.

Oh yeah, Morpheus!  He was in it.  I didn’t see Neo though.

Side note: I was going to do a joke and post a picture of Samuel L Jackson with no explanation but I don’t know if anybody would have gotten it.

Omg they went down to Fisherman’s Wharf and I so wanted to tell Ant-Man to stop and get a crab salad sandwich.  They are so good.  Well I prefer shrimp but they are both good.  Sorry, distracted.

One observation that I made was that the way they tried to enter the Pablo Picasso/Jackson Pollock cross over painting machine looked a lot like the part of an Easy bake oven where you slide in the cake and let it bake.  Maybe I was just hungry when I saw it I don’t know.  Yeah there were more flashing lights and stuff but same idea.

Man you know what though, easy bake stuff SUCKS.  It tastes like you’re eating play dough.  Unless my daughters have been giving me play dough and telling me its easy bake.  Damnit…they probably have!  Little…ugh…

My one disappointment in the movie was that we saw Paul Rudd on drums but we did not get to see him slappin da bass.

I give this movie seven dinosaurs smirking out of 6 because I liked it so much it gets an extra smirking dinosaur.  I should probably retire the smirking dinosaur thing, huh?

GO SEE THE ANT AND THE MAN AND THE WASP.  But only if you want to.  I don’t want to make you feel pressured or anything.  Sorry for yelling.

4 thoughts on “Review: I love Paul Rudd

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