Shut up, Bruce Willis!

It has come out recently that John McClane himself has decided to go to the dark side of one of the hottest internet debates in the history of internetting: is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

I just have this to say…

Shut up, Bruce Willis!

Nobody asked you.  Okay, well they might have but they shouldn’t have.  The debate is over.  Die Hard is a Christmas movie.  It’s the greatest Christmas movie ever in the history of everything.  We don’t need you sullying up our yuletide merriment with your lousy out-of-touch self.

I won’t go over the reasons why Die Hard is a Christmas movie because I’m sure there are countless other examples out there that have done a much better job then I could possibly do.  I will, however, run down a list of what I’m sure everyone else has already pointed out just to support the unbelievers:

  • Takes place at Christmas time, duh
  • Office Christmas Party.  There is a whole movie that’s a considered a Christmas movie about just this part!
  • Santa Suits
  • Plenty of drinking
  • Scheezy dude doing blow
  • Angry German’s trying to fuck up a good time.
  • Christmas music
  • A big holiday family reunion where someone ends up getting killed.
    • Okay maybe this isn’t particularly Christmas-y but a big holiday family reunion where people get figuratively killed.  Emotionally killed.  That’s about right.
  • No snow
    • Although its popular belief that there has to be snow at Christmas, us West Coast folks never had snow for Christmas so screw you.
  • The police showing up trying to shut down a banging party.
  • The present we all really want to unwrap, money.
  • A pregnant woman for some reason.
    • I dunno, seemed important to mention.  Don’t ask why.


I’m sure the list goes on but I’m going to stop here because, frankly, I’m running out of time and I was hoping to finish this by now.

This reason right here, Bruce Willis speaking on something he has no business speaking on is why people hate celebrities.  (That and they are too damn pretty.  How do they smell so good all the time?!)  This would be like Mark Hamill saying that The Force can make donuts out of thin air or something.  I mean, can it?  That’d be pretty cool.  But anyways, he doesn’t have the authority to say whether it can or can’t!  Only George Lucas can do that.  And before he would answer Lucas would tell you a story about how the donuts were delivered first and the red tape that it took to get them across the intergalactic border.  Nobody wants that.

So, in closing…


Shut up, Bruce Willis!  Nobody asked you!

12 thoughts on “Shut up, Bruce Willis!

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