First I Lost My Ear, Now You Lose Your Life

Doesn’t this picture look like a poster from a Taken sequel?  Qui Gon Jin actor (or whatever spelling is correct) stars as Vincent Van Gogh (pronounced with a hard G for effect) out for revenge on the bastard who took his ear.  This is my pitch to Hollywood for the story:

Vincent Van Gogh, tortured genius and angrier young-version of the Lannister dad dude (that got like shot on the can or something by Bolivar Trask), was a poor and unknown painter until one morning he woke up missing a part of his ear.  The ear was gone but a note was left that simply read, “bitch.”

As a man of brilliance and mental lunacy, this drove him mad and he vowed to find whoever was responsible and bring them to his own form of vigilante justice.  The problem?  He doesn’t know who it is.

He will now have to piece together clues based on his most famous paintings to find the person responsible.  This globe-trotting take on the revenge action thriller is packed with enough buckets of blood colored paint to soothe your tortured soul.  But will Vincent find the ear lopping culprit or will his madness get to him first?

Starring, potentially, Eli Roth (wait no, Tim Roth!  I just looked it up and I had the wrong Roth [try saying that five times fast] in mind) as Van Gogh (remember, hard G).  I know I said Liam Neeson up there but I had a change of heart between writing that and writing this.  I’m fickle.

This girl, because I found her picture while looking for one of Peter Dinklage in that terrible Adam Sandler video game movie and YEOWZUH.  She has to be wearing the same outfit for the entire movie though.  No context given.  Nobody mentioning its out of the ordinary.

James Franco and Seth Rogen doing this in the background of some scenes.  Why?  Because.  It’s my movie.

Janelle Monae as random badass chick that steals every scene she’s in.  Spoiler alert: she’s in ever scene.

Javier Bardem because I just love saying his name.  His character’s name in the movie would be Javier Bardem and every time he came on screen people would announce his name in shock like they don’t expect him and say his full first and last name.

And my ideal director would be James Gunn because fuck Disney for doing exactly what right-wing dipshits wanted them to do.

 

Hollywood, call me.  Script is in the works.