Can I be him?

What even made me pursue you to begin with?  You weren’t the type I thought I wanted, and you were nearly its antithesis.  I guess certain things break through when it’s right.  Your dark stares did me in.  I can still feel them when I close my eyes even though yours are closed to mine.

Can I be that man again?  The one who didn’t know who you were or the impact you would have.  Look at me.  I’m stuck.  Forward my mail to the that place between dreams and awake because I can’t seem to get a foothold from there.

I still can’t not want you though.  That’s the difficult part.  It should be over but it’s never over for the one who still wanted it to continue.  Is this a broken heart?  I don’t even know because as much as I wanted to be in love before I never really was.  It was simply a wish and a dream.  Forced.  Nothing has ever felt like this, or that.

I wasn’t looking before you.  I saw you and it was fine.  We talked but nothing came of it.  I didn’t want anyone.  There was no love pursued.  There was no fallen lust that I was under.  I didn’t think of you daily and miss you hourly.  Your teeth on my neck never felt like the only place they should ever be when they weren’t against my lips.  I was without and felt fulfilled.  Is it possible to go back to that?  To be a man with nothing and not know it?  Can I be him again?

4 thoughts on “Can I be him?

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