By the time you read this I will have begun my descent into madness. The virus will have started its spread and I’ll like be going crazy or some junk. My wife is headed to the UK with our 16-year-old son for two weeks and I will be dad-ing the three smaller children all alone. Pray for me.
Or, you know, don’t pray because why, right? But like- I don’t know what it is but I see people saying “venmo me” money. Do that. Venmo me all your money. Just call up venmo and say “give my money to that guy.” They’ll know what to do. Its the internet, it just does things like that now.
I have an assumption that most people are morons (it’s a horrible trait of mine) so I always have to say “CLICK THE READ MORE BUTTON.” I don’t assume people will see it. I don’t know why. So, like…click it.
I will be off, essentially, for two weeks of work. I will be doing battle with small children all on my own. I shall throw- what are those like…CHUM! I will throw chum for them to swallow down their little gullets. I will make sure they don’t stink and have clothes that don’t stink. My main goal is to make sure smells are kept at bay, I guess.
Yeah I don’t know what we’ll do, but it’ll be a lot of spontaneity. I think we’ll head into Halifax a couple of times to get some Baja Blast Mountain Dew because hell’s yeah! I want to go see the big Agave Plant thing in the Public Gardens. I want pizza and burritos. (yes I know those are tacos)
I will also be catching up on my old friend Netflix. I have so many things to watch like that show about drugs. (I’m pretty sure I’m on season 3 and season 4 isn’t even out yet but whatever internet, you do you). I’ve only watched 1 episode of Luke Cage and I want to see him punch people! Then like…a bunch of other stuff.
And, of course, a bunch of writing. Hopefully. Probably. No definitely. No probably. I mean definitely! Yeah, totally absolutely. Keep me on task.
So it’ll be a homecation for me (I refuse to say staycation because shut up, that’s why). I’ll buy a nerf gun and shoot it at the kids, you know…fun stuff like that. It’ll be a grand ole time. I hope I survive.