Alexander Pete Newkitty aka Dumbcat

Alright I’m going to vent here for a second because one of our cats is pissing me off.  He keeps ramming his damn head into my table!  I keep telling him to fuck off and he won’t god damn listen!  Here he comes again!

Slight background:

We had one cat.  She is awesome.  She is Scarlett.  She is the best cat and she likes me the most, mainly because I feed her.
Then my wife went to Cape Breton for the weekend and the little kids, all three of them, were outside.  The eldest comes to tell me that she hears a cat but can’t see it.  I look out the window and its across the street meowing.  They come in and get some food and lure it over.  It walks RIGHT BY THE FOOD and INTO OUR HOUSE!

It’s being all sweet and nice and everything, rubbing up against the kids.  I tell my wife on the phone and she tells me to keep it.  UGH!  WE ALREADY HAVE ONE CAT AND ONE DOG!  Anyways.  We now have two cats and one dog.

We take Newkitty (thats his name at this point, “Newkitty”) into the vet to get him checked out.  It’s a boy cat.  And that sweet cute thing he was doing rubbing his head into the kids?  Yeah, apparently that’s just something male cats do to mark their territory!  JERK CAT!  So when we just thought he was a little slow as he rammed his head into things he was actually just saying “this is mine!”

Apparently Newkitty can’t be his name so the children argue over it.  My wife says, “what about Alexander?”
One of the kids say, “what about Peter?”
I say, “What about Alexander Pete?”

So that was his name.  BUT WAIT!  He’s adopted, basically, so he has to have a different last name.  So his official name is “Alexander Pete Newkitty.”
My wife is so embarrassed that this is the name that is on file.  LOL.

Anyways, that was months ago.  This little jerk still is slamming his head into things marking them as his.  EVERYTHING IS ALREADY YOURS YOU JERK!  He almost knocked over my beverage.

Alright, I’m done complaining about the cat.
K, thnx, bye.