I Spent All My Love

I’ve already loved you too much today.  I’m afraid that love has its limits.  I worry that if I give you all of my love as much as I can that one day I’ll wake up and things won’t be the same.

I’ll lean over and feel the empty part of your bed, because you always wake up before me, and I won’t want to curl up where you slept all night and let the scent of you waft over me.
When I find your delicate pieces of clothing hanging precariously out of the laundry basket I won’t smile at how I pulled them off of your body the night before and tossed them wildly across the room.

I want to lend our my love in careful amounts.  I want to plan how I give it to you.  This way when we’re old and retiring I’ll have plenty left set aside for the rest of our lives.  I don’t know how much I have and if I give it all to you now I don’t know when it will run out.

What a terrible morning it would be if I went downstairs and saw you in the kitchen and you smiled at me if I didn’t return it with an immediate kiss and swarming your body with my arms.  If your coffee kissed lips tasted not as sweet and didn’t give me the energy caffeine wish it could produce.  I’d die if I realized the mere sight of you wasn’t enough to excite me through the day.

My love will be doled out carefully.  Strategically.  I won’t let it run out.  Rations.  My love will be like rations in a time of drought.  I can’t predict when the next rains will come and when the crops I’ve sowed will grow again so I’m holding myself back for safety.

Because I wasn’t careful once.  I poured all of the love I had into a girl.  I emptied the contents and splashed her with it every morning.  I let her drink it every night.  We bathed in our love for each other until the moon grew red from blushing at the things we did together.  We spent every bit of love I had available and then it was gone.  Her love ran out and so did she.  I didn’t think it could happen but it did.  It won’t happen again.  This time I’m going to be careful.  This time we’ll be safe.  I can’t love too hard too fast because I spent almost all of it on someone else.

2 thoughts on “I Spent All My Love

  1. The thought of giving all of yourself is terrifying, especially when someone has already broken your heart. Hang in there. Love will come freely – one day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Part autobiographical, part imagination. But thank you 🙂

      That’s exactly it though, I always think giving every ounce of yourself and having it be natural and then having it not returned wouldn’t matter because at least you did it the way you thought was right. Then there are times when you’d wish you didn’t.

      Like

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