Review: The One Ugly Mother F*@%!&

I SAW A MOVIE!  You know what that means?
That’s right!  A post nobody will read!  WOO HOO!

Not that I expect anyone to read my ramblings.  I just like taking jabs at myself because self deprecation is sexy.

So I went to go see a movie on Saturday night and I know its a few weeks after it first came out and like NOBODY is really interested in a review about it now but that’s like…totally the time I would write something about it then!

So, without further adieu (except, you know, all the adieu that is to follow before the actual content is there) I bring to you my review of….

The Predator!

(Follow the “read more” tag because I don’t know, some people aren’t that bright (me) and don’t always click the read more tags (me) to continue reading (me).

Let’s start off by saying, as of this moment, rotten tomatoes has the movie at a 33% fresh which I couldn’t disagree with more.
I mean I could.  And I will.  But that just sounds like a good thing to say sometimes so I say it quite often.

The movie wasn’t ground breaking.  It wasn’t anything- wait.  Let me go back and see the last movie I reviewed.  I think I wrote something similar about Crazy, Rich Asians.  Yep, not ground breaking but fun.  That’s this movie!
This type of movie isn’t meant to be the best movie ever.  Or, maybe it was.  It obviously is trying to go into franchise mode.  It wants to make a lot of money and take advantage of its built in audience that were fans of the first movie (and less so fans of the three other sequels.  Which, Predators wasn’t actually that bad of a movie.  It wasn’t great but it wasn’t terrible.  Somewhere in between).  But even if a movie fails to hit its grand expectations doesn’t mean its a failure at 33%.
Movies are allowed to be okay.  Movies are allowed to be, “yeah, it was good,” said with a shrug and have it mean exactly that.  They don’t have to be dissected and pulled apart to analyze every tiny detail.  Yes, it wasn’t a great movie.  It wasn’t suspenseful.  It didn’t have a compelling story.  But it was fun.  That’s all I ask for when spending a thousand dollars on a movie ticket.

Now the list:

• I had no idea who this guy was but knew he was someone and then was like “NO WAY” when I finally saw his name but was like “oh yeah totally, duh.”
• I think Game of Thrones dude had like four lines.
  • He was so minor that I couldn’t even find a picture of him in the movie so, whatever.
• There were a lot of hilarious one liners and quips.  It was a funny action movie.
  • My fave was in regard to one of the guys being shitty at shooting things in the head.
• Boyd Holbrook has been kind of awesome in everything I’ve seen him in.
  • Like this.
  • and this.
  • oh and really in this!
    • By the way, when looking for this picture (YES I KNOW THAT ISN’T BOYD!) like, when the hell was Zach Morris on NYPD Blue?!
• I’m glad there was no love interest angle.  Olivia Munn was a little too bad ass for a scientist.  She’s pretty bad ass on her own but typically a scientist doesn’t do all of those kick ass things.  (I’m totally in love with Oliva Munn by the way).
• All of the call backs were a little much but they were done in a way that didn’t feel too put on.  I particularly loved the “get to the choppah!” one.
• My favorite character in the movie was, by far, Sterling K Brown.  He was the right amount of asshole but in a way that made you kind of want him to maybe win.  I’m still confused as to the final outcome of where his character went though as a lot of stuff was going on at the end of the movie.
  • I mean, look at him.  He just fucking looks cool.
  • He also had the best lines and delivery.  (this is funny for a variety of reasons, I’m not explaining it though because then it loses its humor)
• Super Predator CGI was…not good.  I mean come on.  The Predator is a fucking bad ass monster alien thing.  You don’t need to make it more bad ass and monster like by making it 12 feet tall.  That was dumb.  Stop it.  When something is awesome, don’t fuck with it.
• I dunno, the scene where Oliva Munn’s character was trying to escape the Predator in the lab seemed kind of stupid considering she was the only female on the cast and what she had to do.  Not cool.
• Obviously setting up for a sequel.  I would go see another Predator movie.  Although where it looks like its heading is getting into really weirdo-ville so they would have to be careful they don’t make it too strange.
• No smirking dinosaurs.  There was only one movie this year with a smirking dinosaur and I’m disappointed in Hollywood by not incorporating more smirking dinosaurs.
• I really like that movies nowadays have done away with the 80s/90s movie frustration of not picking up the gun that the bad guy drops because he died.  If there are weapons ALWAYS PICK THEM UP.

 

I liked the movie.  I’d recommend the movie for someone wanting to see a movie about monsters/Aliens killing things.  There really aren’t many iconic movie monsters/aliens as cool as a Predator.  It was fun.  If you like fun you’ll like it.

I give this movie seven smirking dinosaurs out of ten.