When this is posted and whenever you’re reading it, whoever you are, I am immersed in an experience that will light the visions of our dawn for years in the future. I will have seen the light and the dark and which will prevail, whatever it takes.
The small and the large.
The new and the old.
They will come together and be as one.
For now, as you read this or having read it or in past future tense, I have seen justice and the future. Right now? Right now. Right-now.
It will have begun, The Endgame.
OMG I’M SEEING AVENGERS: ENDGAME RIGHT NOW AND I’M SO JUICED!
Sorry, I’m an idiot. I know. I’m earning my bl..b…blo….thing title. Not even a little bit funny.
But, anyways, I’m seeing Endgame right now. I’m writing this in the past to have it post in the future so you can all read it (because I know each and every one of you is reading this and not just clicking “like” right? RIGHT?!) while I’m enjoying the movie.
So, because this is a big deal (for me because I’m a dork) I am going to now make a list (!!!) of all the love, hate, beginnings, endings, babies, vinyl CDs, theme parks and Mountain Dew flavors this movie is going to accomplish, solve and start.
TO THE LISTMOBILE!
Now, I’m planning on being at least 87% correct so please feel free to tell me in the comments how right I was.
- First off I believe this will finally answer the question of of whether James Gunn’s last unsolved GotG easter egg was the 12% gag about Star Lords plan that goes along with the 12% that Tony Stark said Pepper Potts in building Stark Tower. (nerd cred, yo)
- Secondly, I am guess-tating that the end credits scene will be the introduction of Squirrel Girl into the MCU. It won’t be Anna Kendrick, as my dreams have been hoping but we’ll be happy with the choice.
- I’m not numbering all of these.
- Fourthly my theory of Thanos snapping away all of the people who believe that cake is better than pie will be proven and it was the key determining factor of whether you got snapped or not.
- The movie will open with a replay of the snap from Thanos and EVERYONE IN THE THEATER BETTER HAVE THEIR DAMN FINGERS READY TO SNAP ALONG WITH HIM!
- Jar Jar Binks will not survive the snap and will be conveniently left wherever those who were snapped went.
- I haven’t eaten a burrito in over a month and I’m starting to get the shakes.
- The next “Big Bad” of the MCU will be internet trolls ruining the rotten tomatoes score of Captain Marvel.
- The Mueller Report will pay an integral part in putting Thanos behind bars for colluding with Russia. I mean, come on…only a Russian knock-off could look as gaudy as that infinity mitten.
- Infinity Sandals will be the footwear of the summer.
- I will spend the next year continuing to not write a novel.
- Star Wars IX will only be okay but better than Solo.
- WHICH they will reboot Solo only a couple years after making it but have it star Demi Lovato as Han Solo with a mid movie break where she dances with girl Chewie to “#SorryNotSorry.”
- Demi Lovato is so hot. Just…saying.
- Antman will save everyone because he’s the best because he’s Paul Rudd and Paul Rudd is the best at everything and he is the most amazing because he’s Paul Rudd.
- We will finally learn which Chris is the best Chris. All the Chris’s will assemble and do battle. Even Pine who will teleport down from the Enterprise and fight alongside the others (and will lose because we all know he’s not the best).
- Evans has taken the mantle of the best Chris, by the way. Hemsworth is still worth but you gotta give it to Cap.
That’s all my predilections (I know that’s not the proper use of that word, shut up). I know, should have had more meat to it. Oh well, Endgame will be served with a deli meat tray and a selection of cheeses so you should be okay whenever you see it.