Everything hurts in such a dull ache that I can’t even tell if I’m feeling it again, or it never stopped.

My heart hurts when I think about it. We had a momentary reprieve, and we were happy. The happiness didn’t last long though. Reality smiled and flicked away the joy.

I never let myself feel it fully. I know it’s kept at bay, the hurt. I’m sure it’s a self defence mechanism, because if it ever got out I would be ruined. I don’t think I would ever stop crying. I don’t think I would ever recover.

So now I’m in this purgatory. Floating through life with no feelings. I want to love someone else but I can’t. I hate you for that. I hate you for so many things, but most of all I hate you for making me fall in love with you to begin with then leaving me as broken as you are.

And I hate you because I still love you. It won’t stop. I’ve tried. So now I just hate myself and sit alone at night in this dull ache unable to feel anything while miserably longing for someone who will never be there.

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