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Excerpt From Nothing: You’re Incorrigible

“I don’t chase people.  I’m not a dog or a child.  You want me or you don’t.  I’ve got enough value in myself to know that I don’t need you if you don’t want me.”

She knew she was standing on thin ice.  The question she was asking herself was if he knew as well.

She did want him and she always had wanted him, but for once she was going to stand her ground.  None of his bullshit games were going to get into her head.  They were entering new territory now though and the games have seemed to level up.  Instead of him waiting for her to come find him he was acting as if she was the one doing the avoiding.

“It seems you’ve made up your mind then.”

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Exceprt From Nothing: Dancing With The Devil

When you dance with the devil you reach a reckoning point.  The devil will ask if you would like to dance all night.  The room had spun on your feet.  The music rang in your ears.  Everything was so sweet.  It’s difficult to say no.

So, when the devil asks you if you’d like to keep his steps and company you have a simple choice.

Yes, or no.

Continue dancing with the devil and enjoying the moment as long as it lasts or stop and go back to experiencing it all as everyone else does.

Just know if you say yes the devil owns your dances, all of them, until they are all spent.
If you say no your dances are yours to give out as you please.  They will end some day, no matter what.  Just decide how you’d like to spend them and what side of the room you’d like to sit when they’re all gone.

Affidavit Of Love & Death

“Excuse me?  This isn’t the kind of love I ordered.  I distinctly asked for something with less spittle.”

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to steal that.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“I’m dying.  No, please.  Don’t make a fuss.  It’s coming and I can’t do a thing about it.  I just hope my hair doesn’t wilt before the funeral.  Anyways.  Tell them all I loved them.  No, don’t say that.  A few of them were the most unsavory types.  How about this?  She loved who she loved.  The rest can find the nearest trolley and throw themselves beneath it.  Just be kind enough to not do it in the early morning or evening commute.  No use causing a commotion even in death.”

“Hello.  You don’t know me but I’m in love with you.  Thank you for letting me tell you that.  Have a wonderful life.”

“I really don’t know what the big deal about having money is.  So you can buy whatever you want and most of your worries will go away, big deal.  I can find new worries so easily to replace the old ones.  They’ll be wonderfully frightful worries ten times as worse.”

“If you’re going to kiss me then kiss me already.  If not then stop staring at me like you’re going to because I really have to use the bathroom and I don’t know how much longer I can hold it.”

“When you’re dead can you please turn off the lights on the way out?  Some of us still have to pay the power bill.”

“I love the way you let me stare at you.  I know you notice and I’m glad you don’t ask me to stop.”

“Lets all go to the zoo and try to guess which is the next trainer that is going to be on the news because they were mauled.”

“If a writer dies and goes to hell they’re eternal damnation is spent doing the same thing they did when they were alive; trying to finish writing a novel but eventually scraping it and starting over.”

“I think it’s time.”

Excerpt From Nothing: A Little Bit Of Nothing

Mud splattered all along her ankles and shins.  Her dress peppered with the dried muck as well as she stands there with her shoulders slumped and her neck looking like it can barely hold the weight of her head due to the entirety of her exhaustion.  She smile on her face is still bright.  Brighter than the sun even as she looks down the hill.  The walk was long and crossed patches of mud that could swallow a herd of cows.  The sun beat down like a desert but she continued to smile in the fresh air and the outdoors.  Her exhaustion was sought and she found it and hugged it with all of her might.  To finish off her day she collapsed in the cutest fashion imaginable.  She just dropped under a tree.  Splayed out like a chalk sketch of a murder victim that her adventure claimed.  The shade covering her sun and heat doused body and the sweat started to cool in the breeze.  But the smile remained.  The smile wouldn’t fade.  It was tattooed on her face and wasn’t going to drop simply because her adventure was over.

“You’re An Asshole,” he said while looking in the mirror.

I often wonder what the hell is the matter with me.  Floating through girls as if they were water.  Needing to feel their wet lips against my dry mouth and once my thirst is quenched I’m on my way.  Water is wet and there is a ton of it out there, and so the asshole goes.

Pretty girls with pretty smiles all falling in on their own.  Goofy charm notwithstanding.

It isn’t an aim to pierce their heart.  To take my words and kiss them down each woman’s thighs until she wraps her legs around my neck.  If only she knew where we’d be in a few days, weeks or months.  She might be keen snap it.
I think I linger too long above her heart though.  Again, not intentional.  It’s just where my magnet is pulled.

Now the mirror is talking back to me.  Calling me names and I’m trying to reason with it.

“It was there.  I don’t know what happened,” as if I lost a pass to the parking garage and now have to pay the full day’s rate.

The other me in the mirror isn’t having any of it.
You can’t lie to yourself, no matter how long you’d like to believe.

I wonder if it’s just the way I am, never satisfied, and if that is something I can ever get over.  Is it possible to comprehend a way that you aren’t?  I haven’t been able to find it yet.

So these girls, they come.  They come and they don’t intend to stay but it’s got a nice smell.  The couch is comfortable.  The company is pleasant.  Then a thing or two triggers a smile.  That smile turns into a kiss and that kiss has their body grinding layers of skin against each other.  Funny how that happens.
Its heated.  The flame is hot.  Sometimes red, sometimes orange.  And I don’t know if I know why it goes away or not.  It’s often a little thing that makes me think and wonder.  It puts doubt in my head and doubt is a terrible infestation to invade your mind.  The entire structure can come crashing down.

Then she’ll be gone.  It’s probably for the best.  Better to love hard and fast then drag out something that was never going to last anyway.  But then I think to that girl.  The one who is still there just out of my reach.  Who I thought would never come back and did.  Not in a way with her thighs around my neck, but we’ve shared smiles.
She’s never waned, not once.  I wonder about that though.  Is it because I’m always chasing her?  If I caught her would it be just the same?  I’d like to think not but constantly questioning is the name of the game.  Who wants to know anything for sure anyway?

Excerpt From Nothing: Squeeze

Her lips were like velvet on my skin.  They grazed softly along the back of my jaw while making their way to my ear.  She teased better than a fourth grade bully.  Instead of speaking words in a whispered tone she let out a long, slow exhale of her heated breath.  It spiraled down and tickled the hairs on the back of my neck.  I could feel her smile as I shivered.

“You’re gonna get it,” I muttered with my eyes closed and my body weak.
“Am I?”  She responded before suckling my earlobe into her mouth.

I dropped my mouth open and let out an oh-my-god groan.  My hands grasped her ribs, high up under her arms and dug in.  My eyes opened to attention and I turned my head towards her, breaking the suckle on my earlobe and she pulled back to look down at me.

“Something wrong?”  She asked coyly.

I didn’t answer, at least not with words.  I merely stared at her for a few seconds.  Her nearly naked body as she sat on top of me.  Her dark hair having tumbled down to her shoulders.  The way her smile was daring me to do something back to her as if this was all a ruse to push me into action.
She did that a lot.  Fucking with my need to always be right or simply just pressing buttons to see what reaction she’ll get.  I loved it.  I’ve only known her a few weeks but she seems to do everything perfect.  Leaving me questioning her motives but knowing they are only with good intentions.  Pausing with a smile and her smiling back, knowing she’s hooked me again and I don’t even care.
So I fall for it, again.  I take a gaze at her sexuality and spin her in a growling thump onto her back.  Flipping our positions and her head on the pillow and my body between her legs.  My lips find her ear now.  The vibrations in my voice sound like hunger.  They shake down through her ear as I speak.

“Lock your legs around my waist.  Squeeze.  Don’t stop.  Not until I’m begging for mercy.  Use your thighs like a walnut cracker.”

She then turned her head into mine like I did to her moments earlier.  We looked in each others eyes and she smiled her sly grin again as I felt her legs rising.  She mouthed the words, “kiss me,” as her ankles hooked together around my back.  As our lips met in a kiss I felt her thighs tighten firmly and smiled against her mouth.
It was a cute attempt.  I don’t know if she wasn’t going full on by choice or if she thought she was going to get me to break fairly easy.  Either way, when my lips needed a moment to breathe I opened my eyes and smiled against her kiss, not wanting to fully part from the velvet.

“I sure hope that isn’t all you’ve got, blue,” smiling at her because I can’t ever stop and then flowing right into a movie quote in a horrible impersonation of Jack Nicholson.

” Please tell me you have something more, Lieutenant.  These two marines are on trial for their lives.  Please tell me that their lawyer hasn’t pinned their hopes to a phone bill.”

Grinning at her afterwards, wondering if she gets the reference.  Looking into her eyes to see if she’s trying to place it or just fucking with me again.  Waiting a few seconds and then turning my attention to her hands.  Finding each of them and lacing my fingers with hers, pinning them to the bed and giving my hips a thrust into her.

“Excuse Me.  I didn’t dismiss you,” she quickly says as I push against her body.

“I beg your pardon?”  I look back into her face with another smile.

“I’m not finished my examination.  Sit down.”
Upon the last word falling off of her lips and the blue in her eyes tightening on the blue in mine I can feel the force of her thighs squeezing me.  Her fingers tightening their grip on my hands in return.  Her lip being bitten as either a form of enticement for me or concentration and force for herself.  It might be a little bit of both actually.  Then, a thrust upwards of her hips into mine and a slight twist and jerk.  My back caving for half of a second and dropping down into her.  Her movement pulling a groan from my throat and my entire body quaking.

She continues to squeeze.  We keep eye contact.  She’s winning.  My eyes are rolling into the back of my head until a rush of heat burns through my veins.  She adds a grunting moan to her squeeze and twists the other direction.  The movements push everything right into place.  My eyes flare into hers.  My hands squeeze back against hers and press down into the bed.  She squeezes harder but all it does is move me into her with more strength.
She tries.  On and on she tries to regain her edge.  Lifting herself almost right up against me and lighting the muscles from her knees to her stomach on fire.  I watch as her mouth drops open in one last attempt to make me collapse into her.
She’s cutting off my breathing.  Each suck for air being depleted more and more.  Neither of us giving in until the moment where we can’t go any further and she drops to the bed.
The feeling of her legs loosening has me following her.  My body suddenly feeling less comfortable.  In need of those legs tightly around me.  Naked without them.  My lips kissing hers hungrily as she lay there, her legs now like jelly and unable to move without effort.

I kiss her, again and again.  She’s panting along with my kisses.  Our breath cascading along each others skin.  Her face sweating and she looks up at me, eyes barely open and she smiles.  I smile back at her and finish the movie reference.

“What do you want to discuss now, my favorite color?”

A wide smile paints across her face and I dive into it, kissing and rolling next to her on the bed.  Enveloping each other in our arms and carrying on like the day doesn’t have to continue outside of this room.

Excerpt From Nothing: Pencil Skirt

I’d love to lay back and enjoy you. Sit here and watch you come in the room and kind of stand there with your hand on your hip as its cocked. Smiling at you from the bed. Your eye brow raised. Lois Lane eye roll at the ready.

“Hey babe,” I’d say toyingly. That annoying charm I’m infamous for. The kind of thing that makes you want to slap me and kiss me, just always unsure which you want to do first.

“Hey,” you reply. Short and sweet. A twang in your voice but not the usual southern charm that drips from your lips but a stretch of the word because it’s saying more than just what’s on its face. It’s asking what the fuck I’m doing. It’s asking what I want. It’s asking so many questions all while telling me to get that smirk off of my face and do something useful like rub your feet because these heels are fucking killer.

“Traffic?”

“No, why?”

“Oh, no reason. You’re usually home by now. Took your time then?”

Pushing it. I’m always pushing it. Often over the line and making the sirens blare and red lights flash. Not quite enough to release the hounds but your fingers is hovering over the button.

“Didn’t think I had much to rush for, turns out I was right.”

You knew how to smack the smug off of my face with words better than most. You never just took it. Why would you? You were good at giving it yourself. That’s why whenever you gave it back I always smiled wider.

“Take off your panties.”

“Ugh, do you have to use that word?”

“What word?”

“Pa-panties,” you shivered and cringed.

“Yeah. You didn’t show me what you were wearing so I don’t know if they’re a thong, boy shorts, hipsters, whatever. So I have to use the generic term. Panties. Take them off. I want to watch. Be my personal stripper.”

You glared. How dare I ask you for such a thing. You were just at work all day and I’ve been lounging in pajamas for hours. How dare I. But that look on your face danced from skeptical and glowering to a sly grin. You had a long day, yeah. But what better way to end it then with some fun.

You obliged. Your obliged perfectly. Your hips wiggled as your fingers hiked your pencil skirt up your thighs. The exposed skin was enough to draw a grown from my lips and cause me to sit up against the backboard of the bed. Your hands slipped under the fabric of the skirt and tugged at the thin, flimsy fabric covering your ass. The panties pulled down below your skirt and dragging down your thighs. They drop helplessly to the floor and you step out of them and pick them up.

“Thong,” you say as you throw them at me.

The throw only meant to distract me as you follow them in a rush. Crashing into me with a kiss on the bed, the panties a lost distraction in the sheets between us now. Our hands wandering wildly. Our lips greeting each other hungrily. Your blouse another casualty of war. Buttons being pulled and stretched to their limit. Your perfectly done hair this morning now a whipping mess falling down onto me as you make my face disappear in it.

We enjoy each other fully. We take each others body completely. I am deep in you and you are all over me. We don’t stop until we can’t take it anymore. All I need for you to do is walk in the room and I’m yours. I don’t want it any other way.

Excerpt From Nothing: Late Night Snack

“I want some fries.”

She would blurt out the most random things at times.  We would be sitting in the living room with the curtains pulled and the only light being the glow from the screens, whether it was the television or the tablets.  It would be late too, after midnight.  When I thought she was going to tell me that we should head to bed, occasionally she would surprise me.

“Huh?”  I’d ask, confused.  Not that I didn’t know what she was saying just that it was so out of the blue I wanted to make sure I heard her correctly.

“Fries.  Do you wanna go for a drive?  I have this feeling deep inside of me that I need some fries right now.  McDonald’s fries.  Fresh.  Crispy as hell.”

“O-kay,” I looked at her oddly, “you want to go out at nearly 1am to get fries?”
I paused.
“All the way across town?”

She nodded.

“Okay then.  I guess we’re going to get fries at 1am.  Weirdo.”
She either didn’t hear the last part or ignored me.

Being out late at night in a small town is a combination of eerie yet magical.  The streets are quiet and have been for hours and the only sign of life is the occasional outdoor cat you see peeking out of the bushes, it’s eyes glowing in reflection of your car’s headlights.
The few streetlights set to overnight mode, blinking yellow or red depending on what direction you’re coming from.  They act as glorified stop signs for anyone passing before them.  Cameras attached to catch the few ne’er-do-wells who feel if there is nobody around they don’t have to follow the rules.
We go out this late often.  She enjoys the night and I don’t mind the company, even if we drive the entire way and say less than a few words to each other.  Sometimes we won’t even pass another car the entire time we’re out.  It’s as if we’re the only two people in the world awake, or in existence.
It’s fun to imagine a world like that.  Where the population is dwindled down to 1% but you can still travel about as normal.  That there are outposts set every so often when you can still get your McDonald’s fries and talk with other travelers.  You trade stories and adventures then return to your own little home on a street with twenty other abandoned homes.
It’s fun because it’s safe.  You don’t have to think of the reality of what the world being at such a small population would mean.  How scare food would be and the impact of weather and sickness.  Thankfully she’s not the type of person to introduce those kinds of real world questions to an exercise in fun imagination.  She would rattle off other activities we could get involved in or takes us on an entire different path.

“There they are!”  She would squeal, “the golden arches!  Forged from the gold bullion held in the federal reserve since gold has no meaning now.  Meant to light the way of weary travelers.”

I took my eyes off of the road for a second to look at her with an eyebrow raised.

“Where does your mind go sometimes?”

She ignored my comment, “onward!  To fries!”

The place looked as empty as everything else, “are you sure it’s still open?”

She had faith though, “of course, the golden arches are shining bright.  The beacon of hope wouldn’t beam in falsehood.  Pull around, speak into the box of magic and request what was asked of you.”
I merely shook my head and pulled up to the ordering screen.

After sitting for a minute with no acknowledgement I leaned forward a bit and called out, “hello-o?”

A voice came back, “hi, sorry.  We’re updating our registers for the night.  It’s going to be a while.”

I looked back to her and saw her dejected face.  She wanted fries.  Her heart was set on fries.

“How long?”

“About twenty minutes.”

I looked at her again and smiled before speaking back into the screen, “we’ll wait.”

I turned to her and said, “we came all this way to get fries.  The Golden Arches of Mickey D’s are shining bright.  I say we camp out until they’re ready.  What do you say, m’lady?”

She tried to stifle a smile and looked the other way, or at least I think that’s what she was doing.  She nodded her head, “I think that would do just fine, thank you.”

We waited.  It ended up being twenty-five minutes but we didn’t mind.  The two of us sat in the early morning air exchanging ridiculous words in between stretches of silence.  We didn’t need to continue talking to fill the quiet, only when we had something to say.  She was my perfect company and even in silence I could sit with her and not want to change a thing.

Excerpt From Nothing: The Girl

She loved him, but from a distance because she couldn’t place his intentions.  His actions seemed in the right place.  He was always there for her and he tried to make her happy.  He even made her smile a genuine smile from time to time and that surprised her.  But no matter how many times he showed up at her door asking to join him on a random adventure she was hesitant in letting herself go with him fully.  There was something holding her back, yet she had wasn’t sure what it was.
He was kind.  He was smart.  There was a depth to him that other people didn’t seem to get, or at least they didn’t try enough to see it.  Though the thing that drew her back to him every time she tried to convince herself to leave was that he wrote for her.  Not tepid poetry or self indulgent erotica, but he wrote her a story where she was the main character.  Men have tried to write for her before, that was not unique, but he wrote thoughtful adventures that showed he knew her.

“That made me cry, but I cry about everything,” she said as she dabbed her lower eyelid with the side of her finger.
He had written her a short story, only a few hundred words.  It was about a girl who lost her smile and a boy who devoted his life to help her find it.  The story was sweet and she didn’t really know why it brought tears to her eyes, at least on the surface.  Deep in her subconscious she knew though.
She knew that he knew her better than she thought.  He might even know her better than he realized.  Her entire adult life she had been sad.  It wasn’t a depression, but a sadness that hung over her like overcast skies.  The sadness rarely broke and when it did only a few rays of sunshine could sneak through.  Yet, with his words, he managed to push the clouds far enough apart so she could see the blue sky behind them.

He didn’t know what to say to that.  Something should be said but the only words that came to mind were empty or superfluous.  That was his odd curse, he could write a storm about a girl he fancied but when it came to say the words to her face he clammed up.  The only thing he wanted to do was to make her smile, and even though this was the opposite of that he felt he still hit his mark.

The silence was awkward, so she did one of the only two things she knew how in an awkward moment, she kissed him.  (The other was to say something incredibly inappropriate and either cause a laugh or enough awkward silence that they both would leave).  She leaned her body forward and pressed her full lips against his.  He was caught off guard but quickly came to attention and reached out to rest his hands on her hips and pull her close.
They didn’t feel the need for a torrid, tongue-involved kiss.  Her lips being pressed to his was plenty special for a first kiss.  Something sweet and innocent, as was his story for her and was how he saw her behind the quiet facade.
When the kiss ended and they looked into each others eyes she finally realized why she was hesitant with him.  She knew why she couldn’t give in and why she enjoyed him from arms length.  It wasn’t because she didn’t trust him.  Quite the opposite really.  She didn’t trust herself.  She didn’t believe that she was worthy of something that might be special.  With that self doubt came a crushing weight of pain that she couldn’t deal with when it ended.  Not if, but when it ended.
If it wasn’t him who grew tired of her or cheated on her or lied to her, then it would be her that did it to him.  She didn’t want to hurt him and wouldn’t let him hurt her.  Love wasn’t something she felt she deserved so she locked herself up and hid her smile from herself.  They’d go searching for it for eternity when it was behind her the entire time.

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