Review: King of Monster Jams

It’s been a while since I wrote something completely dumb and stupid so I figured why not review a movie just saw this weekend.  That’ll be all kinds of dumb and stupid.

So yeah, please follow the READ MORE tag to READ MORE (see: list) about GODZILLA:  KING OF LOUD THINGS!

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I’m Excited

When this is posted and whenever you’re reading it, whoever you are, I am immersed in an experience that will light the visions of our dawn for years in the future.  I will have seen the light and the dark and which will prevail, whatever it takes.

The small and the large.
The new and the old.

They will come together and be as one.

For now, as you read this or having read it or in past future tense, I have seen justice and the future.  Right now?  Right now.  Right-now.

It will have begun, The Endgame.

OMG I’M SEEING AVENGERS: ENDGAME RIGHT NOW AND I’M SO JUICED!

Sorry, I’m an idiot.  I know.  I’m earning my bl..b…blo….thing title.  Not even a little bit funny.

But, anyways, I’m seeing Endgame right now.  I’m writing this in the past to have it post in the future so you can all read it (because I know each and every one of you is reading this and not just clicking “like” right?  RIGHT?!) while I’m enjoying the movie.

So, because this is a big deal (for me because I’m a dork) I am going to now make a list (!!!) of all the love, hate, beginnings, endings, babies, vinyl CDs, theme parks and Mountain Dew flavors this movie is going to accomplish, solve and start.

TO THE LISTMOBILE!

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Review: The One Ugly Mother F*@%!&

I SAW A MOVIE!  You know what that means?
That’s right!  A post nobody will read!  WOO HOO!

Not that I expect anyone to read my ramblings.  I just like taking jabs at myself because self deprecation is sexy.

So I went to go see a movie on Saturday night and I know its a few weeks after it first came out and like NOBODY is really interested in a review about it now but that’s like…totally the time I would write something about it then!

So, without further adieu (except, you know, all the adieu that is to follow before the actual content is there) I bring to you my review of….

The Predator!

(Follow the “read more” tag because I don’t know, some people aren’t that bright (me) and don’t always click the read more tags (me) to continue reading (me).

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Unfunny: Hilarity

In honor of this tweet, one year ago, in the year of our Lord and Savoir Nicholas Cage I submit to you something that made me laugh my ass off for hours and hours and hours.  This is my stupid sense of humor at work and I’ve written a scheduled post to have this post on the one year anniversary of reading this.

I follow a baseball blog for baseball news (among other things).  Part of the fun of this particular blog was the nonsense and silliness that would go on in the comments that was well beyond baseball, proof being the picture adorning this post.  I have no idea why the candy corn frozen pizza tweet was posted but it was.  On its own its funny but more of a chuckle and a cringe.

The “but why” (I’ve removed user names for sake of I-don’t-want-them-there) made it funnier.  In my mind I picture/hear almost everything.  One of my favorite gif is the Ryan Reynolds gif “But why?”  So, naturally, this is what I heard/saw/experienced and laughed a little more riotously.

The clincher, however, is the LotR pic at the bottom.  My mind is dumb, as I’ve said before.  It can place things in areas it doesn’t belong and often does, much to my detriment.  I’m often thinking of the wrong things that other people are thinking because I’ve already pigeonholed things into my own little boxes.  So with this I’ve already replaced, in my mind, the ring with the frozen candy corn pizza.  Yeah I know.

So I’m picturing the LotR movie but instead of the ring, dude’s got the pizza.  Instead of putting it on his finger he’s taking a bite.  He’s still all evil and junk now because the pizza has consumed him with the evil of Sauron.  It’s just….so….stupid.  I’m smirking as I type this because I still think its funny.  Mr Anderson is pleading with him to destroy this pizza.  It’s…so so dumb.  But so so funny.  To me.

That isn’t even adventuring into the world of “who the hell would think of doing this to begin with?”  (Quick answer?  Someone high I’m sure.)

This post is merely an homage to that occurrence that happened a year ago today, to the minute of it happening.  For me anyways.  My time is set to it because I don’t know where- checks the name of the twitter account The Real Asswolf is in the world to align time zones.  Sorry if that offends your sense of accuracy.

I should, some time, do another hilarity post about something I found once about lions and leaping/jumping.  I kid you not I laughed for over 15 minutes straight.  There were times where I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.  I annoyed the fuck out of my wife because I would just burst into laughter and gasped for air.  It’s still funny, but not as funny as the first time I read it.  But oh my god…I am a moron.

 

Thank you and I’m sorry.