Eleven Fifty Nine Post Meridiem

We’ve got to waste some time.  Time is always spent on expensive things that don’t matter much.  We should pull the waded bills of time out of our pockets and drop it in the wind to fly off wherever it may.  Close your eyes and open your fists.  Let it go.

Whither away in the things that make the world disappear.  Those activities that build a castle around you.  Only let in those who are willing to forget that time is a thing and remember that we made it up to begin with.  Time has no place here.  No clocks, no hours and no minutes.

Don’t spend time on doing things that need to be done because you have to.  Waste time on doing things that don’t because you want to.

An interview

“I know there are a lot of people who say they’re actors.  Actresses.  They all think they have the talent.  They all do.  How could you do it if you don’t?  You don’t get into film or stage, or really even television if that’s your thing.  It’s not my thing, it could be when I’ve had some time or the role is juicy enough or I’m doing someone a favor, just not right now.  Something on premium cable.  But if you don’t believe in yourself then you’ll never be more than a community theater stand-in.  You have to know you’re good enough.  In an audition you have to look at the competition and-, no, you know what?  You don’t even look at the competition.  They aren’t your competition.  You are the only person for that role.”

“I did theater in school, yes.  Of course.  It’s where we all start.  Or most of us.  It’s hard though.  It’s hard being at a level where you know you’re good and you can see yourself being up there.  High up there in the lights, while you have Johnny Football joining the cast because his girlfriend, the cheerleader, asked him to do something with her.  It’s difficult but you’re always going to work with obstacles and if you’re as good as you know you can be, you can look past it.  Right?”

“I don’t want to have that story-, do you know how many times I’ve heard it?  That story where the girl from Tulsa comes out to Hollywood and lands a big acting role.  I’m not the small town girl next door.  I don’t want to be typecast into being her, or anyone.  I want to be the chameleon who is unrecognizable from one role to another.  Everybody knows that when a woman gets to a certain age she becomes the mom.  Then the grandmother.  Then you’re out of the business.  Women don’t get acting jobs past 50.  I don’t want to spend my prime years being the innocent girl.  The victim.  The best friend.  I can do more than that.  I am more than that.  My talent is more than that.”

“I read scripts.  I go online and I print off my favorite monologues and I read them.  Or, not even monologues.  The best roles.  Sometimes, even, the male roles.  The ones with meat.  The roles that are remembered and have heartbeats stitched into the words.  I’ll read them into the mirror.  I’ll scream them into my window’s reflection at night.  I’ll cry them into my dinner.  Different scripts from different genres.  I’m trying to round myself into something that can’t be pegged by a look or a tone.  This business is so hard but it isn’t business.  Its art and you can’t stifle art.”

“I would never do-, or I can’t say I would do it.  Nudity.  No.  It’s not something I ever wanted to get into.  My body is-, I don’t know though.  You know?  I am not that type of actress.  I’m not the one who will do that.  It’s-, I don’t want to be the sex symbol.  I don’t want to be the pretty face.  I am an actress and I don’t need to show my body on screen to act.  There are roles where I would though.  Absolutely.  Yes.  Yes.  Of course.  I can’t say no.  No.  I can’t.  I can see myself doing a nude scene, or a sex scene.  Yes of course.  It would have to be integral to the plot though.  To push the story.  Or, if not the story then the character’s motivation.  I am a firm believer in the characters arc having to be fully told to truly get the most from a role.  If she needs to bare herself for the camera then I can do that.  I am absolutely able to do that.  Yes.  Oh yes, of course.  Sometimes it’s necessary.”

“To tell a story, that’s why we all get into acting.  It’s why anyone acts.  It’s why anyone wants to be an artist.  No matter if its a painting, a script, a dance or acting out a scene; it’s always art.  We are all artists bringing our tools to the stage and showing everyone beauty.  My tool is my depth.  The emotions I can convey through being everyone.  I can be you.  Yes.  Absolutely, yes I can be you.  With enough studying I can be anyone and redistribute that truth to the audience.  That is why we’re all actors.  That is why we do this.  To tell truth, even in the lies.  And it’s why I believe that actors and actresses are famous and need fame.  They need the attention of the people they are entertaining because if they aren’t conveying their art then they aren’t feeling alive.  We live-, we need to live through the expressions that we cause.  We need to see the effect we have on the people.  I am an actress because I am truth.  I am bringing you all the truth.  And, its funny you see.  I’m bringing you truth through lies.  I’m not me when I’m art, I’m everyone.  Yet, at the same time I’m a little bit of me.  It’s funny and profound and just, yeah.”

Will We Know When The World Ends?

When the world finally ends will we know it?  Will it be a definitive mark in history that we look back on with a date and time that everything went to hell?  Will we know the world is gone and we’re starting over from scratch when it happens and will it be what we thought it would be?

The resources will run dry first.  It won’t be the catalyst but that’s what will happen first.  The grounds will stop growing enough to continue our expansion.  Our lands will wilt and die.  People will migrate closer and closer to the biggest cities.  Ghost towns will litter the highways.  Cities will become mega cities.  Rural roads will be wastelands of lawlessness.

Greed will do us in.  Capitalism.  Money.  Call it whatever you’d like but that will be what will do the world in.  Monetize everything.  Your health.  Your life.  Your food.  Your education.  Your family pictures.  Your pets.  Your bedroom walls.  Your thoughts.  The pursuit of life, liberty and happiness will have become deformed.  It will be taken advantage of by algorithms to manipulate your sense of living.

Click the user agreement and be on your way.

The world will end but it will go on a new.  The population will die out.  The mega cities will form a tribal feeling among them.  It will go beyond sporting events and popularity lists in magazines and become a sense of grotesque patriotism.  Us against them will never have been stronger.

Walls will be built to keep them out.  To keep everyone out.  Eventually it will be to keep you in.  When you’re in you’re feeding the beast and keeping it growing.  Power only lasts when it can sustain itself on weakness.  Make the weak feel the need for power and it will slowly take over their lives.  The dark neo-cities of science fiction will become a reality.  Maybe we will get those cool spaceships after all.

Not all mega cities will survive.  Some will fall and be devoured by scavengers living in the wastelands of what used to be.  Some will form alliances with others and help defend each other against danger.  Some will abuse the trust and continue to let the greed into their souls to manipulate each other.  The greed will never end.

Then when the world as we know it is no longer what we thought it used to be we’ll look back and know when it happened.  We’ll wonder why we didn’t see it as it was happening.  Why we didn’t march in the streets and scream at the top of our lungs that this isn’t right.  It isn’t normal.  Will any of this even be remembered?

It will all come to an end eventually.  The walls and the hatred will fall.  It won’t last.  People will start something new in the wastelands that were left bare and try to build a life outside of the mega cities.  The outcasts in lawlessness.  The mega cities functioning without them and to some not even realizing they exist.

The world has a way of resetting itself.  Nature has a way of resetting itself.  Nothing lasts forever.  The Roman’s couldn’t last forever.  The Three Kingdom’s couldn’t last forever.  The Mongols failed.  Everything fails eventually.  Then we start over in something new and begin again.


Do you ever think sometimes that maybe you’re the villain in whatever story that’s being told?

Most people are good, most of the time anyways.  Some people are bad some of the time.   There is always the saying that nobody is perfect but at what point does it turn into balancing being good with doing things that are bad?  Or if not bad then detrimental to others?

I find whenever a story is being told it makes the jump from good to great whenever the villain is someone who isn’t a mustache-twirling stereotype.  The kind that simply wants to bring the end of the world for reasons of a prophecy or an oddly concocted reasoning that is too complicated or silly to really make sense.  Great villain’s have depth and in some ways you feel for them.  Sometimes you even cheer for them if the circumstances don’t go against the protagonist directly.  A great villain believes they are just in the pursuit of their goal just as the the hero does.

So what kind of strange twist would it be to wake up and wonder if maybe you’re the villain and there is a hero out there that will one day try and stop you.  In the 40s and 50s  and that time the heroes of western movies were the cowboys, the villains were the natives.  From the view of the natives the cowboys were the villains and they were just in their reasoning for trying to get rid of them.  What would you do if you found out what you were doing made you, in someone else’s eyes, the bad guy?  But also that no matter how you rationalized it your path was still just?

That’s the path of a great villain.  Someone who does something because they know its right even while someone else is telling them its wrong.  At the same time that is the exact thing we admire in a hero, the courage to stand up for whats right no matter who is telling them that its wrong.  Is this schizophrenia or principal?

Another question is; what kind of villain are you?

The kind that stays true to their path because what you believe is right and the other side is wrong?  Or are you the kind of villain that goes slightly mad?  You’re unable to reconcile the two sides and you throw your hands up and and say, “you know what?  Okay.  Fine.  I’ll be the bad guy.”

Do you embrace being the villain when you realize you’re not the hero anymore?  Even more, do you enjoy it?

55 Fiction

I have a problem.  My problem is consistency.  My problem is focus.  Okay so I have two problems.  I could keep going but I don’t want to kick myself too much.

I have a hard time being able to write every day, for whatever reason.  Most of the time its my fault but sometimes it isn’t.  From that problem is a different problem; I need more practice writing.  So I thought I would try something simple at first and work my way up.  Hence 55 fiction.

This was an idea I was introduced to a few years ago where you write out an entire story but it has to be exactly 55 words.  Brevity is the soul of whit so, why not try it?

One of the other things I thought I could do was use these 55 word stories as outlines of my larger ideas.  Instead of keeping them stashed in a file with a few descriptors I could sum them up in a nice 55 word package to flesh out at a later point.

So, the following is my first go at 55 fiction on here:

Road Trip

We were in a car heading south.  The plan was to go to New Orleans, but it wasn’t the original plan.  The original plan involved beaches and the ocean in Mexico.  This was all so I could spend time with her, but it was hi-jacked.  We would get there though, I’d make sure of it.



It’s Monday

I wrote this about a year and a half ago on another wordpress blog I attempted to start that fell apart like this one did.

I love you but you don’t love me. I can’t blame you though because you can’t make someone love another person, but I can hate it. I can hate that every time I see you walk through the door the happiness I get is immediately pummeled into submission when you don’t look my way. I can hate hearing your laugh but never having it sound for me. I can hate every Friday having to leave you and then, again, hate every Sunday night having to see you the next morning and know this will all start over again. I can hate that I love you, but I can never say I don’t.  You are the reason there are tears in my eyes and my bed feels so lonely at night.

Read More »

NS History

Have I said I’ve never written something before?  Okay good, I wanted to make sure that was well established before I continue.  I’ve been thinking about places I enjoy and why I enjoy them.  I love San Francisco because its a home I took for granted when I lived there and I admire its beauty every time I go back.  I adore Paris because it has everything while being foreign and familiar at the same time.  NYC because of its insanity being crafted into chaotic structure.  London has so many things I never knew I would love.  Those are just a few of the places I love that I’ve been to, there are an entire catalog more that I want to go that have their own little catch I want to experience.  But the thing that draws me into each of them compared to any other is that they all have a magnificent history that could be printed in volumes.  Read More »

What to do with ideas?

The reason I first wanted to become a writer was that I wanted to keep the stories I loved alive.  The source was mostly from movies but when I was little there wasn’t any way I could even fathom being able to make my own movie.  Also, I think I knew then that the reason something was good was because of the writing.  The actors and actresses would get the attention but I believe that is only because they were good actors and actresses that knew how to use what they were given rather than taking mediocre writing and making it work.  What made me think that I could pursue being a writer was that I always thought I had fun ideas.  I didn’t just think that I wanted to be a writer because I wanted to see my favorite stories continue but because I thought I could see them continue in interesting ways.  Now that I have all these ideas they overwhelm me and stop my progress because I don’t know what to work on first.Read More »