I’m in bed with you.
Again. Because we always end up in bed.
It doesn’t matter if we argue or feign indifference, we always find our way out of our clothes and against each other’s skin.
I’m going to drift off to sleep in a few minutes but I wanted to capture this moment. You’re asleep, freshly fucked until my legs burned with quit but I refused. I never tap out first.
I wanted to save this moment in my mind at how beautiful you are and what I would give to be lying next to you, just like this in 30 years thinking these same thoughts. Hips worse for wear. Legs would be burned out long before I’d want them to, but you still there next to me to watch sleep afterwards.
So goodnight, gorgeous. I hope your legs are as sore as mine will be in the morning, and I hope you never leave my bed.
Your eyes have an orbit. They’re heavy in gravity and darkness, and your lashes are bridges to the vastness of space. I’m lost and I don’t want to be found.
Your stares feel warm like the sun. When it’s gone though it haunts me. A still picture of you in silence as you look me in the eyes and hold my gaze before turning away. I can’t tell if a smile dripped from the corner of your lips or not. It was probably just a memory being re-purposed.
You’re a 70’s girl with a 90’s past. Your thick eyelashes and dark stares get me high. I can’t say no, even if I wanted to.
Whenever I hear you I remember how to love someone I almost loved. I can smirk at the absurdity of love as well and the audacity to look for it. The spirits in your voice stir up the ghosts and they hold a glass in each other’s honor. Everyone’s invited. Past, present and future.
I envy the pain that’s ached your life and has carved such beautiful scars.
I wish I could hurt as bad as you have.
To know the ripping contrast of emptiness and burning need
To be haunted by soft lips
To hear the echo of your name in her voice
Frozen at the smell of her perfume.
I wish I could have loved as you have loved
and etched memories in my depths and in my soul.
To know the anger of being forgotten and to tell her I have forgotten her too.
To tell her I don’t feel the pain she caused anymore because
I can’t remember the way we kissed or how it killed me every time.
I will never sing any language as eloquent as you
I can never hope to love a woman with your passion and vigor
All I can dream is that the pains I feel are deep
All I can ask is that when she leaves I’ll know a part of what you suffered.
Love is vile.
Love is repulsive.
Love is abhorrent.
Love takes youth.
Love takes sanity.
Love takes everything.
Love is too complex.
Love is too hard.
Love is too much.
yet, love pulls us back in every time.
May 2017: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
June 2017: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
July 2017: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
August 2017: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
September 2017: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
October 2017: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
November 2017: …
December 2017: …
January 2018: What do I want? Everything! When do I want it? Now!
February – September 2018: What do I want? It all to go back to how it was. When do I want it? Months ago.
October 2018: What do I want? Someone else? When do I want it? Now?
November 2018: What do I want? I have no idea. When do I want it? Now.
December 2018: What do I want? You! When do I want it? Now!
January 2019: What do I want? Nothing to change! When do I want it? Forever!
February 2019: What do I want? Nothing to change! When do I want it? Forever!
March 2019: What do I want? These fucking games to end. When do I want it? Now!
April 2019: What do I want? You, I think. When do I want it? I’m not sure anymore.