Worse than missing you

There are plenty of bad things in the world.  Horrible things that dwarf any kind of silly, minuscule problem that most people deal with on a daily basis, but sometimes that doesn’t matter.  Sometimes there is only the problem in front of you and the feelings inside of you that you’re experiencing.  So, right now, deep inside of me, the worst thing in the world I can think of is living the rest of my life and never knowing what it feels like to kiss your lips.

I guess not

When you were here you were everything.  You were all that mattered.  My only focus and the only thing I wanted to know.  Everything I did was because of you and everything I wanted to do was as well.

Then, when you were gone, it intensified.

You were all that mattered and all I thought about.  Imagining what could have been.  Imagining what still might be.  I was living in a dream world on two different plains, and then you came back.

Glory!

You came back.  You were here and I was there and we were perfect.

Perfect.

I was you and you were me.  Well, not exactly but we worked so well together and we were all we needed.  You were all I needed and I was everything you wanted, at least for a short while.  I thought we were going to last a while.  It seemed like we would last a while.  Years.  But, I guess not.

I saw your ghost again

I can’t remember what attraction looked like before your eyes.

I’m haunted by you.

Your lips. Your stare. Your everything.

I can only see you. I think this may be how I serve my sentence. In love with someone who is in everyone, but never her.

Hey, you

Hey, I miss you.

I know I’ve said it many times in many different ways but that doesn’t take away from the feeling I have every time I think it.  It doesn’t take away from the way I feel when I want to hear your voice or remember the touch of your lips against mine.  I keep coming back to it, more and more lately.  I don’t know if that’s because I’ve been writing more and you are what I write, or if it’s because I’ve been reading what I wrote for you.  Either way it hurts.  Either way I want to tell you.  Either way I know I can’t.

Hey, I’m confused.

I don’t know if I’m just lonely or if you meant that much to me.  It sounds shitty to say but in reality nobody really knows.  Loneliness is missing the person that meant the most to you.  We don’t know if we’re lonely because we don’t have someone or if not having someone is making us lonely.  We can be alone in a crowd but not often alone with one other person.  I always thought you were my one other person.  Maybe that was my fault.

Hey, come back.

It’ll all happen again, I know that.  I don’t care.  I want you back.  I want you here.  I want the excitement of knowing you’re out there.  I want to have something to look forward to at the end of my days.  I want your responses and all of your words.  Even if we’re doomed to repeat this a thousand times I’ll gladly fall on my sword for each ending if it means we get to go another round.

The piano’s playing a lonely key.  The silence in between the music sounds louder this time.  There are no strings, only the piano key.  I keep waiting for the next press to never come.  I’m waiting.  Hey, I’m waiting.

Our ebb and flow

In one of my future failed relationships I hope to remember to count how many times we’ve kissed.  Whoever it is, whenever it is and for however long it lasts I want to keep track of the number of times our lips touched and to the varying degrees.

  • How often their tongue slid along mine.
  • How many pecks on the cheek turned into pecks on the lips.
  • The different ways their tongue pressed into mine.
  • The number of times they pushed back,
  • and the number of times they gave in.

I think it would be a nice thing to look back on and reminisce.  Kisses mean so much in the moment but there aren’t a lot that are remembered, yet when they’re gone and you can’t get them back you miss them sorely.

Of course I’m talking about you again.  When am I not?
You’re my never ending anthology.  You make the words flow like a river out to the sea.

I’ve written about the times we kissed and the times our lips were busy doing other, less respectable actions.  Now I’m writing about how I miss them and how I miss you.  But above all else are your lips.  I miss the way you kissed me back when I give my life against your mouth.

I hope you’re well.  I hope someone is kissing those lips until it hurts the way you liked it.

Duet

We haven’t sung together in a while.

I kinda miss the tone of your voice.

We haven’t shared the stage in some time.

I can’t remember, was that my fault or your choice?

The piano keys have gone cold.

I never played, but you could make’m dance.

The stage lights are still on.

What do you say, wanna give it another chance?

How about both of our lips real close to the mic,

the lights beating down making our foreheads sweat.

You looking good in half of something nice.

I steal a look in your eyes and savor the warmth of your breath.

Sing your song girl,

don’t hold nothing back.

Let it go, shake the walls.

Belt it out and shatter glass.

Burn Your Memories

Nothing is as forever as a lover’s torn want

shred by dagger’d eyes

and held by memories taunt.

Facade all in order yet everything inside

is withered and left empty

aimless ache spread far and wide.

I loved you in the summer and through the autumn breeze

you froze me in the winter

and I burned our memories.

Through fury and fire I lit the spark that birthed a flame

an addiction of your drug laced lips

no recollection of my name.

An oath of truth and candor that I held until the end

you asked me of myself

this oath I would not bend.

Now we’re where we are and where we’ve been ever since

me, a land of endless sorrow

you, forever unconvinced.

What punishment inflicted could ever be so unkind

to leave a lover loving

a long gone soul to endless time.

Burn your memories as they happen its all I recommend

because if you love the ghost of what once was

your misery will never end.

 

You, Again

It doesn’t take much, does it?  All I have to do is catch a glimpse of you and everything comes back.  All of you.  All of us.  The way we were and that we aren’t a we anymore.

I saw you the other night and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.  It had been a couple of weeks, maybe longer.  I can’t really stake a claim in knowing how time works when it comes to remembering you.  We always lived in our own world together where the clock had no hold on us.

Whenever I see you I soften instantly.  You cause me to inhale a sharp breath and hold it.  How do you do that?  It’s a physical reaction nobody has ever been able to create within me and you still do it.

It used to be a smile.  I always smiled but this smile was special for you.  It was on the level of the smile a kid makes as their birthday cake comes out from the kitchen and everyone starts to sing.  That kind of unique occurrence that few moments in live can take responsibility and somehow for you it was as easy as showing up.

This isn’t anything especially poetic or with words that sing or attribute special analogies.  This is just me still stuck on you thinking that it’s never going to end.  This is just me missing you, also, thinking that it’s never going to end.

Smooth

I ain’t never had no whiskey but a girl once tol’ me it went down smooth.

I ain’t had the urge tuh drown myself yet to find out if that were true.

I done had champagne once or twice an’ it was dry as dirt

All I can say that’s any good ’bout it  s’that at least it din’ hurt.

Vodka wudn’t ever no friend o’mine and it stung every time I drank it

Thankfully that din’t happen often ’cause I thought it tasted like shit.

All this musin’ ’bout alcohol n’there’s only one thing on my mind

I miss getting drunk off you n’of all my vices you were the best kind.