It’s funny how easy it is for you to seem like you don’t even care. Not funny in the natural sense of the word, obviously, but funny how you made it seem like you ever did at all. I can’t tell though, did you?
Reading someone else’s mind isn’t easy, although I thought I was good at it before. Now? I’m convinced I don’t know what anyone is thinking at any moment no matter how obvious they’re being. You’ve really ruined every shred of confidence I ever had in being with other people. Maybe that’s my own fault. Which is that fucked up kind of funny again because we we’re never really together anyways.
You really do make it look easy though, forgetting me. I wish I was as good as it as you are, but that’ll be just another thing that I fail at. I’ll remember you and ache for it until the light in my eyes go dark.
Maybe you were just trying to get rid of me, that’s what I keep circling back to. You had a taste and the sweetness stroked your palate enough to keep you coming back for a little while, then something happened. Was it too sweet or not enough? I often think it was too much, that seems to be the theme of you when it comes to me.
“If I’m too much go find less,” as the phrase goes.
You didn’t even wait for me to say it.
He loved her. It was obvious to everyone that he did, but nobody knew how much. The waters were rough on top but the depths steadied his love. He loved her right down to the ocean floor along the untouched sands. Past the wrecked ships and sea life he loved her through every wave that crashed on shore. And just like those waves his love never stopped. It may have lessened in force or ferocity, but there was always a storm brewing nearby that would rage the intensity for her again.
I sent you a song the other day. I said I thought you’d like the guy’s voice. You said you’d add it to the list and sent one back.
I listened to it and liked it. I usually do like your suggestions, but I don’t know if I like them because I like them or do I like them because you suggested them. Have you gotten so deep inside that you’re affecting me that much, that I can’t decide whether I’m me or I’m me because of how it relates to you?
The latter would make sense. I’m sure everyone would believe it too.
You never answered whether you liked my suggestion or not. Figures. I’ve always liked you more than you’ve liked me, and I guess that’s the eternity that I’m left to wade through.
I love a girl who doesn’t love me back.
It’s not her fault though.
I’m just tired and I wish I could stop, but love’s hunger is everlasting.
The problem is that when we first got involved my heart reached out and became intertwined with yours. It turned its beats to sync with yours. It’s blood pumped the same as yours. It wanted to be everything you needed to be happy.
But as we grew apart, each time, it refused to go back to what it was before. It was still yours.
And so, my heart is still attached. All of the others that grabbed hold in the past, they all let go. Mine won’t. It refuses, holding on for everything new its become as if it can’t live without holding onto a part of you.
I still think about you.
On random days of what could’ve been.
And restless nights of what sort of was.
I’m still here thinking about you.
Did you ever have that 4am someone? That person who was just yours? They felt like four in the morning when nobody else in the world was awake and the entirety of civilization belonged to the two of you.
I did once. She was magnificent.
We spent the days trading stares and notes. They weren’t love notes though, they were lust notes. A message of what I wanted to do to her and a reply with how her body would react. We were chemistry.
All responsibilities were eschewed. Our employers paid us to talk about how we would have fucked if we were in the same room. There’s no way we could have stayed employed if we had access to each other’s bodies though. I would have made her scream and she would have pulled beautiful obscenities from my lips, at least when they weren’t glued to her.
At night we pulled away from the world and lounged in purgatory. She would straddle my lap and pin me happily beneath her as her arms were lazily draped over my shoulders. The living were acknowledged, but we pushed past them to get lost in the abyss together. The clocks never worked right. Everything felt like that magical point of time where it all stopped and there was no sound aside from our lips smacking against each other.
Her tongue weakened me. My strength waned in her presence. She pulled the life from me and all I wanted was for it to never stop. I wanted to die at her touch.
We never made it to 4am, but whenever we were together she silenced the streets and quieted the crowds as if it were.
Just a little bit of pink in the middle. That’s the way I like my steak.
A slow bite and pull of the meat.
It makes me hungry.
You remind me of that steak.
Just a little bit of pink. Just a little bit of sizzle.
Tasting your skin. Tasting your lips. The juices dripping from the succulent parts of your body.
Dinner time, baby.
When you look at me after I say something stupid.
When you try to hide your smile after I make a joke.
When you brush the hair from in front of your face to behind your ear.
When your fingers flicker against my hand.
When you stand half naked in the bedroom before climbing beneath the covers.
When you whisper in my ear during a movie.
When you shimmy out of your jeans.
When you get out of the shower and your hair is dripping wet.
When you ask me to do something that you love.
When you smile all the way to your eyes.
When you can’t decide what you want to eat during a meal.
When you’re so tired you can’t stay awake and your eyes are drooping.
When you color your hair.
When you ask where I’ve been all day.
When you ask if we can stay in tonight.
When you kiss my lips softly like a pillow.
When you kiss my lips hard like a freight train.
When you make me feel like you love me.
When you make me think that I love you.
When we spend all day getting lost in each others minds.
When we just live.
I want you against the wall.
I want you on the bed.
I want you wrapped around me.
I want you pressed tight into me.
I want you when you look at me right before you kiss me.
I want you freshly out of the shower when your hair is still dripping wet.
I want you when you fall asleep in my lap watching movies late on a Saturday night.
I want you to look at me while your dark hair hangs down over half of your face.
I want you when you stare at me when I’ve said something stupid.
I want you when you’re crying because you’re upset.
I want you when you’re crying because you’re happy.
I want you in your shoes.
I want you in your dress.
I want you in your lipstick.
I want you with your rabbit ears and fake eyelashes.
I want you all around everywhere and in between.
I just want you.